A Day of Seminars

Finished a full day of attending seminars, some OK, some great. Got to hear THE guru of older child adoption, Pat O'Brien who is just awesome. I think the reason I like him so much is that I agree with everything he says. He is awesome. Something is wrong with my keyboard, so I can't make a link, but if you go to http://www.yougottabelieve.org/ you can read all about his program in NYC that is doing such a great job of making the impossible happen.

Waiting for Bart to get back so that we can go eat.

I also saw this posted on a list and thought it worth posting -- great advice for adoptive parents of tough kids.


1. Ask questions instead of telling
2. Do lots of active ignoring for low-level control attempts
3. No warnings, arguing, lectures, threats, explanations, reminders (don't dance w/ WALTER!)
4. Catch your child doing something right at least twice a day
5. Walk away from many behaviors i.e. trying to argue or question
6. Read "Building the Bonds of Attachment" by Dan Hughes
7. Keep a calm, quiet, even-toned voice
8. Listen to at least one Love and Logic tape per month
9. Give your child several hugs or kisses each day for no reason
10. Maintain high yet age-appropriate expectations
11. Keep sarcasm out of your voice
12. Keep angriness out of your voice
13. Show sadness instead of frustration, annoyance, or anger
14. Change up the types of consequences you give or use a consequence jar
15. Use phrases like "oh dear, how sad, what will you do? bummer"
16. Only give consequences when your child is calmed down
17. Use time-ins instead of time-outs
18. Do things that make your child giggle or laugh
19. Let consequences talk instead of you lecturing/explaining
20. Have your child strong sit (a max. of 1 min. per yr.) 1x per day even on good days
21. Have back-up plans for those times your child may loose it
22. Let your child overhear you sharing about something they did right
23. Expect non compliance and have an appropriate response/plan/back up
24. Expand your child's world (choices, privileges) when they're having good days
25. Reduce your child's world (choices, privileges) when they're having bad days
26. Let them solve their own problems
27. Use expressions like "what should you be doing? what would be the right thing to do?"
28. Look at consequences as building back trust rather than as punishment
29. Think of your child as younger than their chronological age
30. Regularly practice appropriate behaviors and words when they aren't needed
31. Ask your child to notice and explain their feelings
32. Let your child hear you using emotion words, i.e. I feel sad, I'm so happy, I was annoyed...
33. Use cross talk to provide subtle reminders or to wonder out loud

July 25, 2006, Copyright, Heritage Communications