Monday, December 28, 2009

The Voice of Truth

That she went in last night at 11. Her pain from the kidney issues is horrible and even morphine doesn't help much. They are telling her that they are going to try the drug they tried Wednesday, but they can't start it until at least one of the women who are in labor right at the moment delivers her baby.

Salinda was told "they will induce and if the baby won't deliver naturally they are going to do a C-section." To her that means today. They told her that last week as well. I don't think it means today.

What I get frustrated with in this situation and others is that I want the truth to at least be spoken. The way the doctor explained it, it appears that unless the baby or Salinda's health is in danger, they are going to try to keep the baby in as long as they can. If her pain is bad, they will attempt to help it along, but as any doctor would be he is reluctant to break her water over a week before the due date.

When I try to explain this so that it makes sense, it as though I am the one who is stopping the baby from coming. Sadie, John and Salinda all give me looks that suggest that they believe that by me saying that it MIGHT not happen within the next few hours I am the one who is stopping the baby from being born. I must be mighty powerful.

Another situation in which the truth is being avoided is the issue of John and money. He needs some money to pay some fines. About a month ago he asked me what to do. I reminded him that I pay $4.00 an hour for chores around the house. That if he worked for just 2 hours a day for a month he would have $240 and the bill would be paid. I suggested that each week when he went to the group where he has to pay the bill he should take a portion of it, and they would realize he was serious about paying it. And I suggested to him that if he was unwilling to take my advice that it would be stressful for me if in a month he came and asked me the same question.

Well, you can guess the answer. Not a penny saved, and only a few dollars earned, he says yesterday, "I was wondering if I could talk to you about my bill." To which I responded by simply reminding him of the truth, of our last conversation, repeating it almost word for word. And you guessed it. He's not happy with me.

Maybe I should just let them live in a fantasy world. Maybe I should say, "OK, honey, I'll pack us up and come up. I'm sure the baby will be born today." Or to John, "I'm sure that someone else will step forward to pay your fines. Don't worry about them. You don't need to work at all. It will all just work itself out."

But since I can't lie, maybe I should just shut up. Someone wanna get me a muzzle as a late Christmas present?


Miz Kizzle said...

Bummer that they can't learn to be responsible. The mess they're in now is completely of their own making.
I suppose if you pointed that out to them you'd be accused of being mean.

Spinner said...

Another truth that must be hard for a teen almost-mom to hear is that when it comes to pain and inconvenience, if your child's well-being is involved, the child's needs will be considered as strongly (if not more so as an infant is more fragile) as the teen's, unless the mom's health is in serious jeopardy. If it were "only you" all measures possible to alleviate your pain will have been attempted. And your own mom won't be able to change that, most likely.

This must be very hard for someone so young to accept and my heart goes out to her.

Lisa said...

I have learned that I just need to shut up and let life happen for (to) them. A year ago I shot down all the great schemes my almost 19 yo was coming up with about moving out, going back to school 2 hrs. away - blah, blah, blah. Well, she went anyway and every single thing has happened exactly the way I warned her it would because she did not do things the right way - she did them the easy way. It does no good, she was determined to go anyway and now I only feel relief that she comes to visit occasionally, but that I don't have to live with the daily drama. She's the one making her life so very, very hard - not me. Now, shutting up does not come easy to me, it's REALLY hard so there are times I need to just walk away (physically) or make up a reason to get off the phone so I can cool off/calm down before they catch on that I have SO....much to say to them. It is very, very hard (I think I already mentioned that) but I have to do it to save my sanity and try to maintain some sort of relationship with a few of them. Unfortunately, one of my darlings takes this silence for agreement and it's only when I hear her blabbing to another sibling how I am supporting this decision or that one that I must speak up and say that I never said any such thing - surprises the heck out of her because she assumes I am going along with her when she makes dumb choices and I don't correct her (no one else makes that assumption. The reality of it is that I can teach/lecture/talk to this kid until the cows come home and she will ALWAYS do exactly what she wants - sometimes it just takes me a little longer to figure out she's done it.

I really wish Mom's did have this kind of power over their kids - life would be alot less stressful for all of us. Face it, they don't want to hear the truth - their brains won't let them believe what you're saying, they just get all ticked off that you're not fixing everything for them after they've made their own mistakes (you know, the ones you are not allowed to protect them from making but are required to help them dig out of). It just puts you into the spirit of the holiday season doesn't it? lol

marythemom said...

With my teens I've started trying to avoid being the one to tell them "bad news." I try to talk to non-family members, like case managers or doctors, behind the scenes and tell them they need to spell it out for my kids. I'm tired of being the bad guy. With my RAD kids I'm the bad guy most of the time anyway, so I let someone else that they're more likely to listen to anyway, take the flak whenever possible.

Mary in TX