As we prepare for john to come home, I've been thinking so much about how much my parenting has changed in the last year.
Albert Einstein said this: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
That is the way I parented for years. I figured that "normal" behavior modification techniques would eventually worked with my hurt and damanged children, and with most of them it never did. But I kept trying it thinking it would click. Some of the kids I tried it on are now 17 and 16. And it has never worked.
My friend Kari, in her blog pointed out that "If you tell a child something a thousand times and he still does not understand then it is not the child who is a slow learner."
I realize that over the past few years I have just not been creative enough in my parenting. I have learned so much in the last year and really hope that what I have learned is going to make things much better for John.
Now I really am going to go to bed early.
2 comments:
The most important thing to remember when parenting our kids is that we can be the most creative and loving parent in the world but if they have FASD or RAD (or both) we are dealing with damaged brains that, aside from being touched directly by the hand of God, cannot be fixed.
We cannot blame ourselves for not being able to rewire entire neurological systems, we can only do our best to help each child reach whatever potential they have...and you and Bart are amazing at that. You are one of the amazing women I have chosen as a mentor and I love your passion and your hope. ~Kari
I can relate to this even though neither of my children is adopted. They are just really, really different from each other, and what worked well with one didn't work at all with the other. Also, my son has ADD, and I had to take that into consideration--although I didn't know that for a long time, as he wasn't diagnosed until last summer.\
Anyway, one of the most important things I finally learned is to choose my battles. I let a lot of little things go, so that I have the energy for the big things. And I've learned to value the peace and harmony that comes from NOT choosing to battle over all the small things, although that means that a lot of things don't happen my way (homework, chores, language...)
Claudia, thanks for admitting you're not a perfect parent!
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