Idiot

Last night at 5:30 I started building the "cage" net for the trampoline with Dominyk. By 7:30 the other kids had offered to help. By 9:15 it was finished. While we were working on it I muttered to myself, "Safety, Schmaftey... had I known it would be this hard I never would have gotten one." But I had paid for it and we were going to put the dumb thing up. Besides, I want this to be a place where other kids will play and I want their parents to know that they are safe.

I let the older kids stay up afterwards to watch a movie while I entertained Dominyk with stories. He finally felt asleep about 10:30, but did I? No. Why? Because I'm an idiot.

I do this to myself every 4-6 weeks, apparently because I have a poor memory. It will be after 2 p.m. and I will purchase a caffeinated drink. I will tell myself, "You shouldn't have caffeine right now or you won't sleep tonight?" but then argue back, "But you didn't sleep all that well last night and you're going to get a lot of physical exercize today, so you'll be very tired tonight. Surely you'll fall asleep." And I drink the Diet Coke or Diet Mountain Dew, in yesterday's case.

And that night I will lie awake for hours asking myself how I could possibly be that stupid and why I don't listen to common sense and how next time I'm NOT going to do it and I toss and turn and fret about what an idiot I am.

And 4-6 weeks later I do it again.

Idiot.