Last night when John was grounded he asked to go to the dance of the school where they won’t let him attend. I of course said no. In refusing to get sucked into an argument, I simply kept repeating myself. Since he had suggested in therapy that I drive away when he got like that, I tried to. Of course, he was in my office and wouldn’t leave, so I had to get Bart to come down and supervise him so he didn’t do anything to my computer.
On the way out, he stabbed a hole in the door with a knife, and then pounded on the van window so hard I thought for sure he would break it. When I returned thirty minutes later he was back in my face, ready to go again, calling me “Claudia”, being disrespectful...so at Bart’s suggestion I simply went upstairs and shut the door, wasting my night trying not to get sucked in.
The whole thing is so exhausting sometimes. By 9:20 he was apologizing in a sick sort of way -- by wondering outloud how much better his life would be with a different mother, and suggesting that (as the therapist often say) most of this was my fault because of the way I respond. This time I responded exactly as I was instructed by every psychiatrist, therapist and social worker we have worked with and he was still saying my response was why he has to do what he did. I'm not sure what I can do different, but I hate being intimidated.
Now we’re ready for another day -- soccer game this morning, and our church “going away” picnic this afternoon, which will require me to stop repressing the fact we’re leaving...
On the way out, he stabbed a hole in the door with a knife, and then pounded on the van window so hard I thought for sure he would break it. When I returned thirty minutes later he was back in my face, ready to go again, calling me “Claudia”, being disrespectful...so at Bart’s suggestion I simply went upstairs and shut the door, wasting my night trying not to get sucked in.
The whole thing is so exhausting sometimes. By 9:20 he was apologizing in a sick sort of way -- by wondering outloud how much better his life would be with a different mother, and suggesting that (as the therapist often say) most of this was my fault because of the way I respond. This time I responded exactly as I was instructed by every psychiatrist, therapist and social worker we have worked with and he was still saying my response was why he has to do what he did. I'm not sure what I can do different, but I hate being intimidated.
Now we’re ready for another day -- soccer game this morning, and our church “going away” picnic this afternoon, which will require me to stop repressing the fact we’re leaving...
1 comment:
I'm with you on the "repressing the fact that we're leaving" part. My friends from the college where I work had a farewell get-together for me yesterday afternoon and reality hit me full force in the face. I have 5 days next week left, then it's a holiday, then a vacation day so we can close on the house etc, and then I'll work on the 31st and we're outta here! I do hope to see you before I leave the neighborhood and you move in.
Stay consistant with John. In my experience that was the thing that seemed to finally work. Do what you did last night, every time it's appropriate, and eventually it will hopefully sink in. But you are right. It is exhausting. And no fun either! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Marge
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