The Inevitable???

Social worker just called to tell us that Mike had finally taken things a step too far and violated his probation. It looks like he is heading for a juvenile detention program until a hearing can be set and then most likely be put in sometime of correctional facility for a longer period of time.

The social worker, after several minutes, concluded, “It looks like Mike might have the opportunity to learn his lesson the hard way.”

I didn’t bother to correct her. And I’m not even wasting energy getting angry with the system any more. But she doesn’t understand FAS. In fact, she has told us more than once that we need to stop giving Mike allowances and using FAS as an “excuse.”

Problem is, he’s not going to get it. Being in detention for a few weeks or months does not work with people who don’t get consequences and who are impulsive.

In my research, I have seen that it is reported that anywhere from 16-25% of the inmate population in our country has FAS.

Other not so great statistics:

Among children with FAE/FAS:
• 95% will have mental health problems
• 68% will have “disrupted school experience”
• 68% will experience trouble with the law
• 55% will be confined in prison, drug or alcohol treatment centres or mental institutions
• 52% will exhibit “inappropriate sexual behaviour”
• 50% of males and 70% of females will have alcohol and drug problems
• 82% will not be able to live independently
• 70% will have problems with employment.

(Children with full FAS—lower IQs and a distinctive appearance—actually tend to do better in life because they receive earlier diagnoses and can be better protected by their parents and society.) 

—Psychologist Ann Streithguss, University of Washington medical school

And just so you know, Mike is not a child with full FAS -- his IQ is too high, making his disability completely hidden from most people.

We came to the conclusion in March after over 8 years of parenting Mike, that there was nothing more we could do for him. Today the social worker said that she honestly could do nothing more for him. I simply told her that we understood that feeling.

We don’t know what will happen to Mike. But it will be a little ironic after not even knowing where he is for over two months and having him refuse contact with us for us to be required to be present in court. But if we are, we’ll go. We gave him exactly what he wanted -- freedom from us -- hoping that maybe it would make him be able to prove his thesis: That we were his problem. Apparently that didn’t go so well.

I wish I knew how I was supposed to be feeling right now. I guess I’m just sort of numb.