A reader named MIke so kindly commented on my post about our MIke and how maybe a friend of our family or someone we knew could serve as Mike’s “external brain.”
He is exactly right that kids with FASD need an external brain. But in order to be willing to rely on an external brain, they have to be able to trust someone. And, in order to be able to trust, you have to be attached. And Mike isn’t.
Mike, because of his attachment issues, doesn’t trust anyone. He is the center of his own universe and values people for nothing more than what they can do for him.
And so, to ask friends of ours to invite MIke into their lives to be stolen from, lied to, manipulated and used, isn’t something that we can do. I can’t ask that of anyone.
Now I am not going to call strangers that Mike has convinced to let him stay there and warn them about his drug use and his propensity to steal and manipulate. But I can’t ask someone that I know to take him in, knowing the full extent of his issues...
The whole thing is a tragedy. If anyone ever asks me again about a kid with a RAD/FASD combination, i will tell them to get attachment therapy immediately... because if not, the end result will not be good.
A while back I asked if anyone had any success stories to share of kids who had both diagnosis.
My post had no comments.
3 comments:
I have adopted 12 children with dual diagnoses of RAD and FASD, as well as some other diagnoses added in. Three are now adults. One is an alcoholic, but he is also a loving son, a good partner to his girlfriend of six years, and wonderful older brother. The other two are drug and alchohol free, have nice apartments, decent jobs, and good lives. Of my four teens at home - one is using drugs and alcohol on weekends, but he also does okay academically and will go on to trade school (he wants to be a chef), he goes to church willingly, and he is fun to be with. We are on his case about paryting, and I have faith he will outgrow it in time. The other three do not use any drugs or alcohol, they have numerous activities and interests, some social deficits but not enough to stop them from getting out there and living their lives. The younger five are also doing well. They are in sports activities, they have friends, they are loving and affectionate. We have had some very tough times in our family, and will have more, but I would do it again in a heartbeat, and I am proud of how well all of my children are doing.
Brenda McCreight
brenda-mc@shaw. ca
Thanks for the response Claudia! I looked into FASD services in Minnesota, and I'm sure you are already familiar with all these services, but something that caught my eye was adult foster care for those with FASD. I'm not sure that it would work for him, since he's 18, but I thought it might be worth investigating:
Northland AFC
P.O. Box 351
Poplar, WI 54864
P: 218-729-8101
Provides adult foster care for individuals with FASD. Two homes in St. Louis county and 1 home in Carlton county.
Contact: Mark Nash
Other FASD resources:
http://www.mofas.org/resource_Metro.htm
Of course, even if you find a place that's appropriate for Mike, getting him to actually try it out would be a problem. Like you say there's a big trust issue there.
I read "Damaged Angels" on your recommendation, and it was very enlightening. One of the points that she makes is that oftentimes FASD adults in their twenties come around to the idea that they need external help with their problems.
I hope that Mike comes to that realization before he self-medicates so much he gets himself into the vicious prison cycle that is really common for those with FASD.
It really is a tragedy but so often those who suffer from mental illness get arrested and then are shuffled through the detention system for the rest of their lives, getting out briefly here and there only to re-offend.
I'm shooting interviews this year for the documentary I'm working on. Maybe if I make it out to the midwest you or Bart would be available?
Hope that helps!
Mike B
Why don't you email me privately, Mike?
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