When the Gunk Gets All Over You

I have to quote Cindy this morning when she was talking about one of her kids and said, "Common refrain: Like THAT's the real issue."

Sometimes when you put on too much pressure at the wrong time things explode. Whether it be a child or an adult, it works the same way.

It's like this squishy that Kari bought me this summer. It had all this gooey junk inside and I put pressure on it for quite some time and it was fine.

And then I hit just the wrong spot at just the wrong time and exploded the gunk all over me.

But I didn't create the gunk and I wasn't the one who put the gunk inside.

This happens with my kids all the time, and apparently Cind's kids too. And many other adopted kids. As parents we are required to apply pressure -- whether it's to say no to a request, or expect cooperation, or anything else, parents apply pressure. That's our job. And when it happens in just the wrong spot at the wrong time, it explodes and gunk gets everywhere.

But we didn't put the gunk inside. It was put there by all the abuse, neglect, genetic predisposition, mental illness, organic brain damange due to FASD . .. all that gunk was put there by someone else.

It's the same thing in my job and I had to remind myself of that this morning. I have to apply pressure in order for the system to work to get kids home. I try to do it gently, I try to do it kindly. I try to give people plenty of time. But sometimes, the pressure is applied at just the wrong time to just the wrong person and the gunk explodes all over me.

But I didn't put the gunk in there. I'm not the one who assigns impossible caseloads. I'm not the one who creates, maintains, or perpetuates the broken system. I'm not the one who creates a work environment that is incredibly stressful. But sometimes I am the one who applies the pressure, and then the gunk explodes.... all over me.

But like I do with my kids, I'll wipe off the gunk and keep doing what I do. Because it's about the kids, and not about me. Because the alternative is to walk away and I can't do it.

I think there are three categories of people involved in the Child Protection "system":

1) The kind who really care. A lot. About every aspect of their jobs. And they do so very intensely and can only do so for a short period of time and then they burn out and either quit the field or change jobs.

2) The kind who have made themselves stop caring. They either were able to separate themselves from their work from the beginning, or they started caring and realized they couldn't any more. They can stay on forever, but aren't very effective.

3) The kind that really care and still stick around a do it. And these folks have hard lives. They truly do it for the kids and they put themselves out there every day for an ungrateful bunch of people.... who criticize and complain. And so when I apply pressure and it gives the impression that I don't think they care or that they are doing their job, it makes me feel bad.

So, today I'm tired. Last night my kids gunk got all over me. Today people I work with got gunk on me.

But to stop squeezing means there will be no progress.

So I'm off to the metaphoric shower to get off the gunk so I can start squeezing again.