The Top Fives

The Top Five Most Annoying Things about Parenting a Large Adoptive Family

1) Socks. Cindy blogged about this in great detail and I have blogged about it more than once. But the truth of the matter is, socks and a large family are a mammoth pain in the rear. Think about it for a second. When everyone is here, we wear 24 socks a day. That’s 8640 dirty socks a year that have to be washed, dried, matched, and put away. And, as all families know, socks disappear. There is a theory that all of our dryers are connected so that my missing socks may actually be in your dryer and the ones I have never seen before that show up in my dryer must have come from yours.

2) The Wet Toilet Seat. Now, for families with mostly girls, this might not end up in the top five, but for us and our family of 8 boys and 2 girls, (not including us parents who don’t humidify the toilet seat), this is a disgusting issue. No matter how old they get, they can’t seem to aim, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to get them to wipe it up when they miss. If I had one boy he would be in the bathroom daily cleaning up the mess I know is his. But with eight, the only way to prove “Yes it was YOU who peed all over the seat, floor, walls, etc.” is to stand guard and check the seat after every bathroom visit, and I’m a little busy for that.

3) Living in the Van. This is an easy spring for us. We only have one kid in soccer, one kid in tennis, two in the church bell choir, four in the church kids choir, two in confirmation, one in boy scouts, three in the youth group, one in honors choir, and one working. They are in four different schools. And really, nothing is in reasonable walking distance except one school. I am tempted to put a porta potty and a sleeping bag in the van and then I could just live there. If I have my laptop I can just park by the nearest wi-fi spot and get my work done. Who needs a house when you can live in your van?

4) The Phone. I never answer it any more unless I absolutely have to. It rings constantly. Only one of our kids at home has a cell phone so far (everyone else who has tried has lost the privilege within weeks) so all the calls come through the land line phone. It’s seldom for me and when it is, a child usually answers it inappropriately.

5) People who don’t get it. The world is full of people who assume that a child’s behavior is directly related to the parenting they are receiving. I confess, I used to be one of them. But parenting kids who had issues at birth and were then abused and neglected for years means that my kids have behaviors that certainly have nothing to do with me. People who don’t understand Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder or mental health issues and are critical of our parenting are way harder to deal with the than the kids behavior itself.

And now, so that I don’t sound like a negative, crabby witch:

The Top Five BEST things about Parenting a Large Adoptive Family

(as I see it today. There are so many it’s hard to decide which are the top five)

1. Someone loves you every single day. Odds are, the more kids you have, the more of them can be angry with you and there is still at least one that loves you. There have been a few days when it was hard to find even a one, but most of the time they aren’t all furious with me at once.

2. The people I have met are amazing. Other adoptive parents, therapists, social workers, teachers, friends, yes, even probation officers, have enriched my life in so many ways. I would not know any of these people had we not adopted.

3. A different world view. There are a lot of people out there living on the fringes of society who abuse and neglect their children. The poverty, domestic violence, drug and alcohol use, and mental illness is a part of life that we in safe, protected “Middle Class America” are able to ignore if we so choose. Adopting our children has helped us to see things differently, to feel compassion and pity for people who haven’t had the opportunities the rest of us had that have allowed us to achieve our current lifestyle.

4. There’s almost always something going on. We never run out of things to talk about or problems to solve. There are endless challenges that keep us on our toes. We are constantly able to laugh at the situations we find ourselves in and there is a steady flow or reasons to be grateful, kisses to be given and received, hugs to be shared, and little victories every day as people change and grow.

5. We’re changing the future. Many of our kids come from generations of negative living. The history of abuse, poverty, drug and alcohol abuse, and mental illness mentioned above has gone back in the family tree for a long time. This is our chance to change future generations -- by pulling a child out of a negative environment and showing that child that there is a different way to live. And, as has been proven time and time again, if that child chooses the new way of life, their children, and their children’s children will have a bright future and be given a whole new world.

(this post is an entry in the Problogger Top Five Writing Contest.)