I hate to even have to blog what happened today as it is personally very disappointing to me. I had worked so hard to get John headed in the right direction. Just Saturday I wrote that I hoped that John didn’t throw away all the progress he had made. But as you learn with teenagers, there is only so much a parent can do.
Last night John had been at a friends house where he told us there was a parent present. Today that friend came over. Turned out the friend is 19 shares an apartment and the “parent present” was the next door neighbor who is parent to a young child and may be no older than John himself. I calmly explained to him that I would not be taking him to that friends house again to spend the night. I offered to give the friend a ride home (I had already taken him to the bank) but told John he could not come.
He tried to get in the van, but I started pulling away. He told me he would beat Bart up if I didn’t let him go, and I explained that I could not give in to him or he would be learning the wrong thing -- that threats of violence are not the way to solve things.
I took the friend home and was on the way to the YMCA from there with the 4 girls. Salinda had forgotten her Y card, and by the time we got back to get it the cops had already arrived. Apparently John had broken several windows with a baseball bat and had threatened both Kyle and Bart with the bat. Bart tried to calmly de-escalate the situation and keep the other kids safe, but he finally had to call 911. John wasn’t even cooperative with police officers until they threatened to use a taser gun on him.
Fortunately, I had been to the station a few weeks ago and prepared them. The officer who I had talked to was in the background letting the other officers know that I had already called preparing them that this might happen.
So within 36 hours Bart and Kyle need to appear in court. We’re unsure as to what will happen.
Really disappointing though because he was headed in the right direction. Had his first job, ready to be on the football team, going to the school of his choice. But if a kid is going to cheek, spit out, hide, or refuse to take medication he needs, things are eventually is going to deteriorate.
Once John was safely on his way to detention, i had to have the fallout from his sisters which always includes loyalty to him and expression of how the problem is not his but ours, our parenting, our family, law enforcement -- whoever else they can blame. The whole thing is very hard on them. I explained to one of his sisters that if her solution is to give a violent person whatever they want to pacify them, she better be really careful what kind of guys she chooses to date and who she chooses to marry.
But now things are calm, calmer than they have been in a week, simply because he is gone. I don’t know what will happen from here on out. His employer has indicated that he will be patient. I will go to the football meeting and sign him up just in case he gets to come home. I hate to have one hour mess up months of a kids life, but sometimes that’s the way it goes. And we can’t protect him from natural consequences. This whole scene played out at Cindy’s exactly a week ago today which is why I called her first to chat tonight.
Fortunately, Paula’s girls who were here were not too traumatized as they have a brother who has been taken away in a police car more than once.
I am very sad for John, but it’s his life he’s messing up now, not just ours, and we are committed to him for life. He is our son and we have done and will do everything we can to help him make good choices. But we all have to be safe.
Last night John had been at a friends house where he told us there was a parent present. Today that friend came over. Turned out the friend is 19 shares an apartment and the “parent present” was the next door neighbor who is parent to a young child and may be no older than John himself. I calmly explained to him that I would not be taking him to that friends house again to spend the night. I offered to give the friend a ride home (I had already taken him to the bank) but told John he could not come.
He tried to get in the van, but I started pulling away. He told me he would beat Bart up if I didn’t let him go, and I explained that I could not give in to him or he would be learning the wrong thing -- that threats of violence are not the way to solve things.
I took the friend home and was on the way to the YMCA from there with the 4 girls. Salinda had forgotten her Y card, and by the time we got back to get it the cops had already arrived. Apparently John had broken several windows with a baseball bat and had threatened both Kyle and Bart with the bat. Bart tried to calmly de-escalate the situation and keep the other kids safe, but he finally had to call 911. John wasn’t even cooperative with police officers until they threatened to use a taser gun on him.
Fortunately, I had been to the station a few weeks ago and prepared them. The officer who I had talked to was in the background letting the other officers know that I had already called preparing them that this might happen.
So within 36 hours Bart and Kyle need to appear in court. We’re unsure as to what will happen.
Really disappointing though because he was headed in the right direction. Had his first job, ready to be on the football team, going to the school of his choice. But if a kid is going to cheek, spit out, hide, or refuse to take medication he needs, things are eventually is going to deteriorate.
Once John was safely on his way to detention, i had to have the fallout from his sisters which always includes loyalty to him and expression of how the problem is not his but ours, our parenting, our family, law enforcement -- whoever else they can blame. The whole thing is very hard on them. I explained to one of his sisters that if her solution is to give a violent person whatever they want to pacify them, she better be really careful what kind of guys she chooses to date and who she chooses to marry.
But now things are calm, calmer than they have been in a week, simply because he is gone. I don’t know what will happen from here on out. His employer has indicated that he will be patient. I will go to the football meeting and sign him up just in case he gets to come home. I hate to have one hour mess up months of a kids life, but sometimes that’s the way it goes. And we can’t protect him from natural consequences. This whole scene played out at Cindy’s exactly a week ago today which is why I called her first to chat tonight.
Fortunately, Paula’s girls who were here were not too traumatized as they have a brother who has been taken away in a police car more than once.
I am very sad for John, but it’s his life he’s messing up now, not just ours, and we are committed to him for life. He is our son and we have done and will do everything we can to help him make good choices. But we all have to be safe.
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