Last Spring, in this blog entry I reported that Kari had said, “Your blog is like a serious car accident. You know you shouldn’t look, but you just can’t help yourself.”
If you're one of those fans, this post should introduce the possibility of enough drama in the future to keep you reading for months.
I got all the kids off to school this morning and I was feeling good. I was coming home from the drop off thinking about all the fun stuff I was going to blog. I had a relatively stress free day planned and was looking forward to getting stuff done at my desk, taking a nap after lunch (didn’t sleep well at all last night and now my sleep cycle is all wacked), and having some fun at church tonight. Putting off the cares of the world until I had to deal with them.
Then I arrive home to a phone message from John’s social worker that we needed to talk about the upcoming court hearing (that Bart is not going to be able to attend because of important meetings). I had to call him back, and oh how my day has changed.
We had a long, honest conversation and are totally in disagreement. He wants to put John in a foster home here in our town and make his plan permanent foster care, not reunification. I don’t know that I am in disagreement with the plan, as I don’t think he can live here, but having him here in town with us having as much trouble with Mike and Salinda scares me to no end.
I reiterated my point again and again and he still wants to “give John a chance.” I made it pretty clear that giving John a chance did not have to mean giving him a chance here in our town. I told him flat out, “If you are right and I am wrong, that’s great for everyone. John holds it together, our other kids don’t go further downhill, and life is good for everyone and you move on to the next case. However, if you are wrong, and I am right, that this is too big of a risk for our family, then John moves somewhere else, our family reels in the damage that has been done for years, and you move on to the next case.”
I also let him know that we realized that we were the ones without the power and that we had PTSD in regards to the court system.
The other piece of this that really stinks is that Bart is going to be out of town all week and again during court. I have to break this news to him. And last time I told him this was a possibility, he intimated maybe we’d have to move. I know realistically that we can’t do that, but that’s how nervous we are about the plan. Even though I am 98% sure John would be appropriate, it is the sense of safety and security that we have tried over the last 2 1/2 months to reconstruct for the younger kids that would be threatened once again.
To his credit, the worker has some valid points. We as a family do need to work through all this at some point, and we can’t put it off forever. John does need to develop skills to live outside of an institution if he is going to be able to function as an adult. And the worker has assured us that if he messes up at all, he will only have one chance. You’ve read it here folks, documented in blogland, as the saga progresses. So instead of gearing up for a big fight, I'm trying to find ways to make this work since we likely won't get what we want anyway and just waste a lot of emotion losing an argument in court.
The hardest part for me to deal with in this whole thing is that I really LIKE this social worker. He appears honest and upfront, expects me to do the same, and is It’s so hard to hate someone who is dead wrong when they are so likeable.