This is one weird night. I decided a couple days ago to come to our previous hometown and spend the night. I told Salinda before I found out if I could stay with the people I was planning to stay with, and it turns out I couldn't, which is fine. But it was too late to call someone else and so now I'm in a hotel in my former hometown and it feels super duper odd. I am tired and emotionally way out of wack.
Also, a few odd weird connections with two completely separate internet situations have got me feeling a little strange.
Finally, I had spent two hours in the car alone with Salinda. I was going to title my post "Teenage Girls Suck" not caring what people might think, but I wasn't talking about them sucking anything but the oxygen out of the very air I breathe. The ride here she was so crabby that almost every moment she wasn't sleeping she was glaring at me just for being alive. When she would wake up I could literally feel my throat constraining as the oxygen departed from the air and her disdain permeated the vehicle. My mere existence angers her, it seems, and it is difficult for me to self-differentiate and not feel frustrated as we are travelling somewhere so she can spend the night with a friend and go to her orthodontist appointment. She didn't seem to hate me when I bought her a big bag of Cheddar Fries at the Phillips 66 either ... just immediately prior to and after that minor blip of congeniality when I had the cash out.
But at least THIS part of parenting I knew to expect. For years, the girls have asked me "Why don't we have more sisters? Why don't you get more girls" and I have said, "Ask me when you're 13." They don't ask any more. They know.
Once again, I wouldn't want to be a 13 year old girl again, so if I have to choose between parenting one and being one, I'll parent one. And in two years, I'll parent one more. But that is my limit. You can count on that.
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