Figured it Out

All of the sudden today I figured it out. In therapy with John I had an "a-ha" moment.

John has a history of pushing, bullying, demanding, threatening, cajoling, begging, and manipulating to get his way. But consistently when he gets his way, he doesn't care about it any more. Gets on a team and convinces people to get him all the expensive equipment he needs to play, pushing people to their absolute limit (parents, foster parents, social workers, etc.) and then, two weeks later stops going to practice. Gets into a foster care placement and then blows it.

Today, he said something that made it all click for me. I don't remember his exact quote but it went something like this, "When I got the judge to say I could go to foster care in Mankato, it was a great feeling." And when I followed up to ask, "But then after that you didn't care about staying there?" He said, "Nope, it was just fun to get my way."

Wow. That's been it all along. It's never been about the thing he says he wants... it's about getting people to do what he wants. And historically he has made it almost impossible to say no.

It's all making sense to me now. It was the power. It was the control. It was getting his way. It wasn't the prize, it was the fight. I'm not sure what knowing that does for me, but it sure makes a lot of sense as to why he did the things he's done. I'm caling his social worker tomorrow to let him know as John has a new plan for his future that isn't what the county has planned.