Tony and I had a great time playing cards last night. He acted cooperative and mature, he caught on to the game quickly, and he responded well to positive reinforcement. His typical beligerant, oppositional, nasty-mouthed behavior disappeared and he was nice to have around.
I've been working hard this week to not get into any power struggles and to comment on the absense of negative behavior. Rand, Jimmy and Ricardo's new therapist recommended the book "Transforming the Difficult Child" and I checked out their website. While I can't see myself sitting down at the end of every day with seven behavior charts, I am taking one principle and trying to follow it.
I'm sure that many parents already do this, but I have been trying to say things like,
"Wow! Thanks for being ready on time. It's nice that I don't have to wait" EVERY time that one of the girls is ready when it is time to go (of course, so far I haven't had to say it often). But I've done this and NOT said anything when they were running late.
"Great Job! You did exactly what I said the first time!"
I have pointed out to Tony six or seven times since last night how much fun I had with him last night. I'm going to see if I can continue to do this.
I'm not sure that I have the best personality for dealing with difficult children. I have said many times that while my children have "Oppositional Defiant Disorder", I have Opposition to Defiance Disorder.
But I am always striving to do better and learn more and try differently and rethink things and make progress. And possibly that is all that any of us can do.
1 comment:
Mike and I went to a Nurtured Heart approach training several years ago and we both thought that it was something worth trying. Much better than the therapy I wrote about in my blog this morning!
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