Wearing Me Down

Tony spent the entire morning begging to go to the mall. He is one of those people who just can't take no. So, from the time I woke up until 4:00, I heard nothing but begging and I said no. His behavior was atrocious.

But me saying no only put him into a whole new gear of begging and pleading and screaming and crying. I don't know what I should have done, but saying no right away was stupid.

So finally because he was going to start in on Bart who was in the middle of making the best cookies I've had in months, I took him. He was fine and went and spent his money on his own. But Dominyk asked to go along, and hoping to spare Bart, I took Dominyk too.

I do not exagerrate when i say that Dominyk must have asked me to buy him 247 different things. Everything he saw he asked for. Most of it was cheap and insignificant and I said no. It went like this:

Mom, can you buy me a small toy? no
How about a very small toy? no
How about a little toy that is very cheap? no
How about this toy? It's very small. no
What about this game? It's cheap. no
What about this very little ball? no
What about weights? I could lift weights. NO, and I'm just going to start ignoring you.
What about a small bag of candy? silence
What about Valentines candy, huh, Mom. For VALENTINE'S DAY! silence
Dad always buys me at least a little treat. How about some gum? silence
How about a new bike? silence
OK, I was kidding about the bike.
How about a small toy?

And so it went, on and on and on all the way through the mall until I was exhausted. We shared a pretzel and I finally relented and gave him a $1.00 advance on next week's allowance.

I used to think it was very bad parenting to give in. Now I'm not sure. Maybe sometimes good parenting means saving our own sanity by giving in right away instead of waiting until we are completely worn down, frustrated, and stressed out.

And if someone wants to comment that if I hadn't given in so many times already he wouldn't beg, it's simply not true. I hardly ever give in. In fact, you can ask any of my kids. I'm not a giver-inner. But regardless, there are some kids that simply don't learn from consequences and don't transfer what happens in one setting to the next situation. So maybe the only person I'm punishing by "sticking to no" is myself.