The seminar that I attended yesterday was about inducement. It made SO MUCH SENSE. The idea is that children who are abandoned feel many emotions -- anger, grief, loneliness, out of control, crazy. When they are finally in a place where they feel safe, they attempt to communicate those emotions but it is too difficult. So instead, they attempt to create those emotions in the person with whom they are beginning to build a relationship.
Unfortunately, as newly adoptive parents, many of us see those attempts to help us understand how they feel as behaviors that must be stopped. We begin to feel all the things they feel-- anger, grief, loneliness, out of control, crazy. So we decide that we cannot handle them and get them away from us, instead of allowing ourselves to relate to them and with them becaue we now understand how they feel.
There is a complete explanation of the seminar here. I'm not sure I'm explaining it well, but it made so much sense to me.
Before I was an adoptive parent I did not experience those emotions. After we started parenting, I did and still do have those emotions a lot. I totally get how it's the kids are trying to get me to feel their feelings and realize it's been happening for years.
Let me know what you think after you read the article.