Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch

During the weekend I received several phone calls from Bart. On Friday morning he called to let me know that he discovered that John had been smoking in our car the night before. Bart wasn’t sure if he had been there alone or with someone, if they had taken the car or not, or what exactly had happen, but the car reeked of smoke and there were ashes on the floor.

In addition, John turned in the cash card that we had stolen over 2 months ago, claiming he found it in Rand’s wallet. Bart reported this and said we’d deal with it when we got home.

By Friday night, Bart had confronted John who said he had been outside with a friend. John went out to clean out the car himself and did a thorough job, so again, we were going to wait to deal with it.

This morning, Bart called to say (making a long story short) that Rand had found John out in the car last night at 10:00 with the car started, his coat, air freshener and Bart’s cologne with him. When Rand went outside, John ran behind the house, so Rand took the keys and gave them to Bart. At 11:30 when Bart let the dog out, he found the door unlocked and locked it. At 7:00 a.m., Bart found John asleep in the living room, having obviously climbed through the window. Bart let John know this morning that he knew he had been gone all night. John asked for permission to go hang out with a friend this afternoon, promising to be back for supper at 6. It’s 8:05 and he hasn’t shown up. Bart discovered a key ring of John’s in his room this afternoon that includes a stolen car key, a stolen van key, and stolen house keys -- all of which he has taken out of our bedroom or off our key rings when we weren’t paying attention.

We’re not sure how to respond. If we give him consequences when he is in this “mood” he just pays us back worse. We can’t ground him -- he’ll just sneak out and run. We have to tell the county when he is gone all night, so what will be their response? Another offer for a TPR? John is still under “protective supervision” for another 30 days.

But our real questions are things like “Is this part of John’s mental illness (he’s bipolar)? We have an appointment with the psychiatrist to talk about medications on Wednesday. Do his meds need adjusting? Or is he trying to leave our home again? Does he want to follow Mike’s path? Is this a cry for help? How do we know what to do?

We ask ourselves, ”What would we do if he were our child by birth?“ We wonder how things would go if we truly believed that the county believed we were good people and our kids’ issues were not caused by us?

Should we wait and just try to get through the next two months hoping that in our new town he’ll make better friends, better choices? Will we hope to find a mental health worker or something who can advocate us? Or will we be right in the same position with that county?

We don’t know. We don’t have answers. And as people who have spent years as competent professionals with a pretty good idea of what to do, we are at a loss.