Not Relieved

So last night was so bad that this morning, when I’m supposed to be feeling relieved that I’m getting a break, I just feel like crap.

To make a long story short, John was perfect at confirmation but as soon as he saw me he started right in again. Then his wallet was found in Dominyk’s pocket, so he slapped Dominyk across the face with the jeans, and not lightly.

I felt so bad for Dominyk (even though he shouldn’t have had John’s wallet). He didn’t get his main birthday present, Bart was too sick to cook his birthday dinner, and he was still taking it well. But that’s how his day ended. )And he woke up this morning to find that one of his siblings has already taken one of his walkie talkies that he got for his birthday last night.)

Then John spent the next 15 minutes swearing and accusing me of many odd things. Fortunately, by this point, I had gotten him out of the house to take his stuff to the place he was staying, so I took the brunt of it and everyone else didn’t have to listen to it.

My concern is mostly for me -- that I can continue to be nurturing and loving when he is not agitated (which really is 80% of the time). But it is very hard for me to transition from “Shut the f*** up before I kill you” and “I love you so much Mom” within 20 minutes time. I feel like I’m all over the board with him emotionally and I don’t know if I can keep coming back to him being loving and kind when he is so very mean to me.

Bart had to go to a meeting on his way to Mankato today, so he took one child with him. I have five kids and the dog to take with me and they were supposed to be packed and ready to go last night. However, the John episodes distracted from that and now we aren’t even close to being ready. This will leave me with a lot to do at my desk and very little time to do any packing or organizing today. We can’t leave later than planned because we have 3 dentist appointments on the way.

And finally, I am furious with myself. Yesterday Tony wanted to earn some money, so I told him to bring the books from the basement up the stairs so that I could look through them and decide which ones to keep and which ones to pack. I was remembering a shelf of books. His PCA was here to supervise his working, so I just left for the store.

When I came back, my entire office floor was filled with books. I will have no time whatsoever to do anything with them. I can barely walk in here. When we get back Saturday night, I will only have a couple hours to pack to leave for Austin and Dallas on Sunday so the books will most likely be here until a week from today at least How dumb am I?

There are some days when a person really shouldn’t blog. Seriously.