Healing?

I wonder if I might be healing. I wonder if the horrible history of CHIPS petitions and disagreements with county workers and accusations and court hearings might be becoming a part of the past. And I wonder if the pain they brought might be dissipating and I could possibly be healing.

As I mentioned earlier, I needed to go through paperwork today to gather information to obtain services for some of the kids. I tackled the two teens who were in out of home placement first and instead of things filed by year, I divided them into education, legal documents and social services case plans, treatment facility reports, and miscellaneous (things like letters from them, athletic award certificates, birthday cards they asked me to keep for them).

I didn't read throuugh the paperwork this time...I know very well what it says. And I didn't feel the same anger as before. I simply felt relief and a sense of empowerment. It is as if as I filed each paper I was thinking, "Thank God we made it through that. and that. and oh yeah, that."

There were still a couple nerves touched, like seeing a name and being reminded that a person here in Mankato is not allowed to spend time with my children in our home because a relative in Luverne called and "warned them about us." I don't know everything she said, but the things that I know they did say are not true.

But for the most part I just skimmed, and filed, and felt peace for the first time ever. I'm sure there will be times when I look back and still feel pangs of anger, resentment and bitterness, but for today it is OK. John is in a good place. Mike is 18. We survived, emotionally, not because of, but in spite of, all the court involvement. And we survived financially because we were willing to have our reputations smudged in order to get our kids help.

And we're OK.

To any of you who are in the midst of these kinds of battles with your schools, counties, or social service agencies, hang in their. This too will pass. And someday, you'll be OK too.