Tonight I was feeling pretty beaten up. I came back from training to a relatively calm house until one of my children, who had agreed to stay home this weekend because we were having company, asked to go somewhere anyway, and got evil nasty when I said no -- to the point of throwing something at me. I was nauseaus from the stress of the encounter and wondering if this was normal. Do parents of "normal kids" get threatened and shoved and have things thrown at them for saying no to a request?
And I was wondering why I would even want to continue to do this. Like Cindy, I was fantasizing about a simpler life, and her post tonight was exactly what I needed..
Thanks Cindy, for the reminder that even when it isn't what I'd chose during the more difficult moments, it is definitely my lifetime choice. It's what I've been called to do, regardless of how hard it is sometimes.
4 comments:
It is my new reality though it does not feel normal. I have had a few fearful days lately. And getting help is no easy trick.
reality, yes. Normal, no. Neither of us was adopted, but my older sister was manipulative, vituperative, immature, and several other adjectives. BUT, I can never remember her threatening physical violence against my parents. Me, yes, mildly, some shoving and intimidation (she was six years older, several inches taller, and had quite a few pounds on me), but nothing actually dangerous. So, no, violence in response to a negative answer to a request is NOT normal, even in birth families that already contain some degree of disfunction.
I would say that it might be normal for a 2 yo (a toddler) .........who developmentally doesn't have the communication skills to express their feelings approiately. But not a older child, that is the thing with these kids though, they didn't get to be taught when they were a toddler to say "I am upset" or have a time out and it is a lot harder to teach it to them at 8/10/14 yo. Right?
Having raised 4 children on my own, no, that is absoutely not normal. Having raised my 2 darlings with FAS for 5 years, it is normal FOR THEM. I already have the feelings in my stomach when she starts to rage and picks up things I know are headed in my direction. We have uped her meds but it does not restrain this temper. I know exactly how you feel. What we do about it is what I don't know.
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