Several months ago I read the book Damaged Angels and was amazed at the large number of kids with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder go nuts at 18 and totally mess up their lives. As soon as they can, it seems, they work hard to undo whatever good their parents have been able to do during the years they were in their home.
Mike has done exactly that. Even though we hung in there with him and had him set up in a setting where he could succeed, finish high school, get a job, and transition into adulthood successfully, he walked away from all that and right now is most likely stealing and dealing in order to meet his basic needs. We let him know he could have contact with us, but he is not interested because he knows that we will not enable his lifestlye and all that is important to him is financial support, not any other kind of support.
So, sometimes I ask myself, "Was the writing on the wall from the very beginning? Were we foolish to ever believe that anything we did was going to make a difference?"
I'm not asking this question with a sense of emotional failure or devastation -- I have those moments too, but this is not one of them. It is just a cognitive processing question.
I would love to hear "success stories" of adults with FASD with avergae IQs who have transitioned succesesfully to adulthood, especially those who have attachment disorder as well. It might help me to see that it doesn't have to be this way for everyone.
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