I made it through the day and I’m still alive. Although Mike was totally predictable, Kyle was not.
Mike waiting until the last penny was spent. Instead of being grateful, he asked for money in an indirect way and when I said no, he started in on me. I will not go into detail, even though I want to recount the whole thing, but he was trying his hardest to make me feel guilty. He did exactly what the people in treatment said he would do... it was almost as though he had been there and heard what they said he would do, and did it word for word.
And, as predicted, Mike made sure we knew that our day today -- the dinner out (they lied and the restaurant did only have an Easter buffet, but at least it was very good), and the movie we took him too, and picking up Kyle and the sacrifice we made to get there when Bart was exhausted -- meant absolutely NOTHING to him.
He found some very clever ways to make me feel guilty, and it was working for a while, until I realized that a lot of what he was doing was manipulative and tricky. I basically concluded that if he was so convinced that all of his problems were my fault, and if I was such a horrible parent, then his best bet would be for him to walk away, move on, and build his life apart from me.
He will accept our money and anything positive we will say, but he doesn’t want our suggestions, criticisms or confrontation. He remembers what he wants to remember, and he sucks me into a bad place of guilt if I let him. I was very disappointed that he chose to act the way he did in front of 3 of his younger, impressionable siblings. Sadie was so upset about the way he was treating me that she was in tears.
Fortunately, he concluded on his own that he wants no further contact from us. At least, for now, that will keep me from having to make that decision.
The surprise came after I dropped Mike off and called Kyle and instead of allying himself with his birth brother as he historically has, he was very supportive of Bart and I. He also spent the day interacting appropriately with all of his siblings, listening to their questions and answering them, laughing at their jokes, being a good role model. And he didn’t get sucked into Mike’s negativity. I was proud of him.
I’m going to surprise John with a visit tomorrow. Sadie made Easter Basket’s for the three boys with help from Salinda and help from our pocketbooks, and I am going to deliver John’s in person. Kyle was repeatedly grateful to Sadie, Mike grudgingly thanked her when I pointed out it was the least he could do.
I am sad for Mike, but everything I read about addiction shows that this is the pattern addicts have and that the only way we can help him is to do stay firm and keep trying to make him accept accountability for his actions.
Mike waiting until the last penny was spent. Instead of being grateful, he asked for money in an indirect way and when I said no, he started in on me. I will not go into detail, even though I want to recount the whole thing, but he was trying his hardest to make me feel guilty. He did exactly what the people in treatment said he would do... it was almost as though he had been there and heard what they said he would do, and did it word for word.
And, as predicted, Mike made sure we knew that our day today -- the dinner out (they lied and the restaurant did only have an Easter buffet, but at least it was very good), and the movie we took him too, and picking up Kyle and the sacrifice we made to get there when Bart was exhausted -- meant absolutely NOTHING to him.
He found some very clever ways to make me feel guilty, and it was working for a while, until I realized that a lot of what he was doing was manipulative and tricky. I basically concluded that if he was so convinced that all of his problems were my fault, and if I was such a horrible parent, then his best bet would be for him to walk away, move on, and build his life apart from me.
He will accept our money and anything positive we will say, but he doesn’t want our suggestions, criticisms or confrontation. He remembers what he wants to remember, and he sucks me into a bad place of guilt if I let him. I was very disappointed that he chose to act the way he did in front of 3 of his younger, impressionable siblings. Sadie was so upset about the way he was treating me that she was in tears.
Fortunately, he concluded on his own that he wants no further contact from us. At least, for now, that will keep me from having to make that decision.
The surprise came after I dropped Mike off and called Kyle and instead of allying himself with his birth brother as he historically has, he was very supportive of Bart and I. He also spent the day interacting appropriately with all of his siblings, listening to their questions and answering them, laughing at their jokes, being a good role model. And he didn’t get sucked into Mike’s negativity. I was proud of him.
I’m going to surprise John with a visit tomorrow. Sadie made Easter Basket’s for the three boys with help from Salinda and help from our pocketbooks, and I am going to deliver John’s in person. Kyle was repeatedly grateful to Sadie, Mike grudgingly thanked her when I pointed out it was the least he could do.
I am sad for Mike, but everything I read about addiction shows that this is the pattern addicts have and that the only way we can help him is to do stay firm and keep trying to make him accept accountability for his actions.
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