I'm Amazed

I looked through my To Do list that I published for you yesterday and I got ALL of it done and even a few other things that I wasn't expecting to accomplish. Still had time for dinner with the family and church and time with friends afterwards.

I also talked to Mike's counselor at his halfway house yesterday. He has spent his entire week talking about how unsupportive we are to whoever will listen. She said, "I can't believe he has such a sense of entitlement!" I pointed out to her that in the past month his unsupportive family had given up 3 full days of work a piece for his transition, spent twice the amount we usually spend on birthdays for him (giving him the benefit of the doubt that he meant what he said during Family Week), handed him cash, called him almost daily, and were planning a complicated visit for Easter. She encouraged us to stop all financial support and agreed that he will only get a job if he realizes he needs one. He suggested that she knew this would be difficult. I laughed, and then explained that after what we've been through, it won't be that difficult.

He's frustrated by his counselors not interested in hearing about how his life is now in his own hands and that he is an adult and is 18. He gets angry when people point out that he is no longer our responsibility. He is refusing to get a job and basically is just being himself, but without the support of the Child Protection System. All the sudden there is nobody there to buy him things when he won't work for them and it's troubling.

I am not sure how the future will be for him. We certainly didn't adopt him to make him homeless when he turned 18 (and he is far from homeless now) but when no matter what we do it isn't enough, maybe we are enabling him in some way.

I look at the difference between he and John. I know they are unique, but John has lived outside of our home for as long as Mike has. John has NEVER ONCE blamed us for his circumstances. He always says positive things about our family and us as parents whenever he is interviewed. He knows that he cannot return home and yet he accepts responsibility for his actions and doesn't ask us for anything. He is 18 months younger than Mike, yet he has been working 30 hours a week for the past couple months. He has paid us back for the damage he did to our house and is paying his brother back for the car mishap that I blogged about here. If he gets one call a week, he is grateful. If he gets one call a month he is grateful. And he never mistreats us when we call.

The kids have to be cleared by their therapists to see John, otherwise justice would say it would be John who would be getting the visit on Easter. But instead, Mike's unsupportive parents will be making sure that he and Kyle are together with us for Easter dinner.

I am tempted, though I'm sure many of you would not agree, to take a few months to show Mike what unsupportive looks like. At least he'd be truthful when he complained.