And When We Get Over This...

This morning went fine until the last 5 minutes. John asked me a question and didn’t get the answer he wanted and so, after several exchanges of words, he went off to school saying he wasn’t going to come home tonight. I called Bart frustrated, feeling like I was going to throw up ... again... and discouraged.

Bart explained to me, very clearly (and he’s right) how we can’t control his behavior and that I needed to get over this. And I said, “And the second I get over THIS something else is going to put me right back into this same mode.” And he replied, “we better get used to it.”

Lately I feel like every time I get knocked down and get back up again I am not up more than a few seconds before it starts all over again. I don’t know if I have the emotional energy to withstand this kind of repetitious attack for many more weeks.

I did a post-placement visit with a family on Wednesday who reminded me of what happened while I was visiting them the last time (a call from Bart with a crisis). I nearly fainted when I realized that it had only been a month since that happened. The month of March seems like it lasted a year.

Only remembering the chorus of this song, I was going to quote it:

I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never going to keep me down

Until I read about pissing the night away, whisky, vodka, lager, cider........ guess it really doesn’t apply.

But thinking of myself as a Big Bop Buddy does at least make me smile. This is exactly how I've felt for the past week or so and I can't even eat very much to comfort me...