Now I’m posting things out of order. That is going to really mess folks up.
My motivational/emotional cycle is out of wack as well. Last night, by the time I went to bed I was feeling pretty good and actually a little hyper -- wishing it was morning and all fired up to get work done. I laid there for an hour unable to fall asleep. Now this morning I’m groggy and wishing I could stay in bed and not at all wanting to do what I’m supposed to do.
Lately I’ve been thinking about the kind of blogging I do. It’s such a brain dump -- literally -- I just sit at the computer and whatever is in my head comes out. I probably tell way to much and tell it way too honestly. I know there are many people who read only what I write in times of desperation and get a very different picture of life at my home than what reality is. I seldom remember to write the little fun things that go on (like all the cutting up we did while we were putting away clothes last night) or the times when Sadie or Dominyk give me an unsolicited hug or even when Tony grabs my hand when we’re walking through a busy place. I forget to report the moments of joy that I always seem to find because blogging for me is so therapuetic and such a release that I often find myself going straight to the computer to report life when things are not good.
I realize that many of my regular readers probably don’t have a very good opinion of me sometimes, especially if they have not met me in person, but I don’t think that there are any who would say that I’m being manipulative or faking anything. I am reporting the facts and the way I feel about them.
Because ten years ago when we started this journey, we had no idea the challenges we would face. The past 2 1/2 years have been the hardest of my life and I wish that I would have been blogging for all 10 because then there would be a different perspective. But we are in the MIddle Years and I am hoping they are the least fun of the journey. When we started we had several little kids who made life more fun with their antics. We were challenged, but we had kids who fit on our laps, who were affectionate and who got pleasure in the little things of life. I look ahead ten years and I hope that we will see some of the rewards of our years of effort. I hope that we have some children who will be making us proud. I hope we even have a grandkid by then (did I just SAY THAT? I’m WAY too young). But right now, when are kids are between the ages of 10 and 20 it’s just a LOT of hard work, with not a lot of rewards.
So I’m hanging on to the memories of the past, looking forward with hope to the future, and trying to find a moment of joy each day. So if I appear negative sometimes, I’m sorry. I’m just being real. And there are many times when I do need an attitude adjustment, I don’t think I always do everything right... but I’m doing it. I have to believe that I’m getting up each day and doing it again and that someday, just Being There, as Cindy pointed out will have made a difference.
My motivational/emotional cycle is out of wack as well. Last night, by the time I went to bed I was feeling pretty good and actually a little hyper -- wishing it was morning and all fired up to get work done. I laid there for an hour unable to fall asleep. Now this morning I’m groggy and wishing I could stay in bed and not at all wanting to do what I’m supposed to do.
Lately I’ve been thinking about the kind of blogging I do. It’s such a brain dump -- literally -- I just sit at the computer and whatever is in my head comes out. I probably tell way to much and tell it way too honestly. I know there are many people who read only what I write in times of desperation and get a very different picture of life at my home than what reality is. I seldom remember to write the little fun things that go on (like all the cutting up we did while we were putting away clothes last night) or the times when Sadie or Dominyk give me an unsolicited hug or even when Tony grabs my hand when we’re walking through a busy place. I forget to report the moments of joy that I always seem to find because blogging for me is so therapuetic and such a release that I often find myself going straight to the computer to report life when things are not good.
I realize that many of my regular readers probably don’t have a very good opinion of me sometimes, especially if they have not met me in person, but I don’t think that there are any who would say that I’m being manipulative or faking anything. I am reporting the facts and the way I feel about them.
Because ten years ago when we started this journey, we had no idea the challenges we would face. The past 2 1/2 years have been the hardest of my life and I wish that I would have been blogging for all 10 because then there would be a different perspective. But we are in the MIddle Years and I am hoping they are the least fun of the journey. When we started we had several little kids who made life more fun with their antics. We were challenged, but we had kids who fit on our laps, who were affectionate and who got pleasure in the little things of life. I look ahead ten years and I hope that we will see some of the rewards of our years of effort. I hope that we have some children who will be making us proud. I hope we even have a grandkid by then (did I just SAY THAT? I’m WAY too young). But right now, when are kids are between the ages of 10 and 20 it’s just a LOT of hard work, with not a lot of rewards.
So I’m hanging on to the memories of the past, looking forward with hope to the future, and trying to find a moment of joy each day. So if I appear negative sometimes, I’m sorry. I’m just being real. And there are many times when I do need an attitude adjustment, I don’t think I always do everything right... but I’m doing it. I have to believe that I’m getting up each day and doing it again and that someday, just Being There, as Cindy pointed out will have made a difference.
1 comment:
I'm in the same phase, six kids ages 11 thru 18. I hear ya. If I blogged everything, mine would be mostly a list of gripes and problems.
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