Bart made a beautiful fire and I'm sitting in front of it with my laptop. He is reading a book and we are overhearing Mike bad talk us on the phone. I'm guessing I'm going to have to wait another hour at least for a phone call from Salinda to come pick up her and her friend from a gynastics meet to stay here for the night.
Mike is home from work and has to be here. He doesn't want to be here. He wants to run the streets as he is accustomed. But if he does he will set off his ankle bracelet and he'll get thrown into detention.
I am at a loss as to what to do tonight. I would like to just go to bed like I usually do after the girls get home, but with Mike here I'm not sure I can. I do not want him to invite friends over while we are asleep ever, but I especailly don't want him to invite anyone here when Salinda has a 13 year old friend spending the night.
So, I can either stay up and "police them" or I can go to bed and worry. I'm not finding any peace in either of those choices. I am not finding any peace in the whole house arrest thing, no matter how hard I try to do so.
So, the fire is beautiful. I wish there was peace in the my heart that corresponds to the peace in the house right now and the peace and warmth that the fire communicates. But instead, my heart and mind are pulsating with stress while my surroundings are actually calm.
Outward calm here is not typical. It's too bad that I can't have inward calm when we actually get some outward calm.
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