One of the things that I don’t blog about much is the tension that can be in a marriage when parenting older children who have experienced abuse and neglect. They have such a wonderful way of manipulating, triangulating, and pitting one parent against the other, that there is a level of stress, kicked up a notch, for married couples attempting to do this together.
Fortunately, Bart and I are both stubborn and that has helped us to remain committed to working out our difference before we go to sleep regardless of how late that is. And something else that is fortunate is that we also are often on the same page on almost every issue ... or at least we’re in the same chapter.
However, I have heard many families who are disrupting do so because either the mother or the father says to their spouse, “I can’t live like this. It’s either me or him/her.” And then the kid has to leave.
I’m blogging this because last night I had a dream that Mike showed up having run away from detention. In the dream I was way more upset about it than I am (I know, my subconscious talking) and so I was just beside myself. I expressed to Bart that I thought MIke needed to be put back in detention immediately and Bart was hesitating and I starting to “shriek” (as Bart calls it). That made Mike angry and though I didn’t say the words, I inferred to Bart that he needed to choose what he was going to do. Much to my surprise, he started to walk towards Mike and I left the scene and headed over to Kari's.
The part of the dream at Kari’s is just weird, but here I was all upset and all she could talk about was how much fun she had shopping for a variety of small screws at Menard’s. She asked me if I needed any, and what sizes, and suggested she’d even go to home depot if I wanted.
But anyway, I woke up very happy to be awake (and not just to escape screw-hunter Kari). I am so glad that my husband and I communicate better than that, that we don’t give ultimatums, and that we’d never put each other in that position. And I’m glad that Mike is safely locked up in detention.
I have a lot to be grateful for this morning.
Fortunately, Bart and I are both stubborn and that has helped us to remain committed to working out our difference before we go to sleep regardless of how late that is. And something else that is fortunate is that we also are often on the same page on almost every issue ... or at least we’re in the same chapter.
However, I have heard many families who are disrupting do so because either the mother or the father says to their spouse, “I can’t live like this. It’s either me or him/her.” And then the kid has to leave.
I’m blogging this because last night I had a dream that Mike showed up having run away from detention. In the dream I was way more upset about it than I am (I know, my subconscious talking) and so I was just beside myself. I expressed to Bart that I thought MIke needed to be put back in detention immediately and Bart was hesitating and I starting to “shriek” (as Bart calls it). That made Mike angry and though I didn’t say the words, I inferred to Bart that he needed to choose what he was going to do. Much to my surprise, he started to walk towards Mike and I left the scene and headed over to Kari's.
The part of the dream at Kari’s is just weird, but here I was all upset and all she could talk about was how much fun she had shopping for a variety of small screws at Menard’s. She asked me if I needed any, and what sizes, and suggested she’d even go to home depot if I wanted.
But anyway, I woke up very happy to be awake (and not just to escape screw-hunter Kari). I am so glad that my husband and I communicate better than that, that we don’t give ultimatums, and that we’d never put each other in that position. And I’m glad that Mike is safely locked up in detention.
I have a lot to be grateful for this morning.
1 comment:
OK Claudia- we've already been mistaken for a lesbian couple and now you are dreaming about me shopping for screws. Freud would have a field day with this one.
We did talk yesterday while I was searching for something in WalMart. I must not have given you the time and attention that you needed. We might just have to do lunch soon. ~Kari
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