One would think that after a while, we’d just get used to it all. Yesterday for example, had all the elements of things we’ve already lived through. Anger, disappointment, defiance, disobedience, poor choices, selfishness -- things our kids have shown us for years. You’d think we’d get used to it.
But from early morning until 3 minutes before I went to bed at 11, someone was exhibiting some of this stuff. And I’m STILL not used to it. It still bothers me. It still makes it hard for me to go to sleep when I’ve just been completely defied over something small. It still makes me sick to my stomach when I see our man-boy off at college clearly displaying that he has not picked up our value system. It still makes me feel sad when a child takes out their poor choices on me.
I don’t know why I figured I’d get used to it, but I did, and I’m sure that my responses have toned down over the last ten years, but the same emotions are still there.
Apparently the boys ranch has decided to send John to the psych hospital to regulate his medications. This will be his sixth visit there in the past five years, and the last time we were there they offered us no hope that medications were going to be able to help John. It will be interesting to hear about the response of the staff there. I’m sure he’s thrilled -- he really likes some of the people there, so this will be a nice treat for him -- at $1,000 a day of insurance money.
I have designated today phone call day and as soon as I return from therapy with Tony I’ll be spending the day making phone calls that I need to make. I don’t really like talking on the phone much any more, but I’ll be glad to have those things crossed off my list. It’s getting fairly long.
But from early morning until 3 minutes before I went to bed at 11, someone was exhibiting some of this stuff. And I’m STILL not used to it. It still bothers me. It still makes it hard for me to go to sleep when I’ve just been completely defied over something small. It still makes me sick to my stomach when I see our man-boy off at college clearly displaying that he has not picked up our value system. It still makes me feel sad when a child takes out their poor choices on me.
I don’t know why I figured I’d get used to it, but I did, and I’m sure that my responses have toned down over the last ten years, but the same emotions are still there.
Apparently the boys ranch has decided to send John to the psych hospital to regulate his medications. This will be his sixth visit there in the past five years, and the last time we were there they offered us no hope that medications were going to be able to help John. It will be interesting to hear about the response of the staff there. I’m sure he’s thrilled -- he really likes some of the people there, so this will be a nice treat for him -- at $1,000 a day of insurance money.
I have designated today phone call day and as soon as I return from therapy with Tony I’ll be spending the day making phone calls that I need to make. I don’t really like talking on the phone much any more, but I’ll be glad to have those things crossed off my list. It’s getting fairly long.
2 comments:
I often think this way too Claudia. I think it's because deep down we still hope something will change, something will stick with them. Even something as small as lying about lying to me about taking $3.50 from me and then lying ontop of that lie just knocks my heart to my stomach with sadness. What really gets me is the "I never said that" and she really believes she did't. You know who I'm talking about. My drama queen who is your oldest daughters twin. You've been in my prayers.
If it's any consolation, when I was in college, I definitely did not live like I had the same value system my mom had......probably didn't start living it until a few years after college!
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