Amie asked:
Specifically in older child adoption, what do you feel are reasonable expectations for the children once they are in your home? Mostly in reference to chores, modest clothing, TV, movies, music.....a lot of kids (mine will be 6-12) get to do things that I am not going to be cool with, I mean, we are not the Gaithers (not that there is anything wrong with that ;0 ) but I have a feeling our standards (limited TV, no short skirts/belly shirts, no rated PG-13 movies) are going to seem unreasonable to them. How can I senstively handle this?
Here are my thoughts:
Don’t change your family rules to accommodate kids coming into your home. Our rules are similar to the ones you listed, and our kids have had to respect them. We had 11 year olds coming in having viewed many R movies, and they went down to G or PG-13 if a parent was watching with them. We just made the rules and tried to enforce them.
I explain things like this to my kids. Every family is different. In some families everyone goes to everyone elses sporting events. In some families, they can’t afford cable. In some families girls can’t wear pants. In our family we do things a certain way.
Your responsibility is to go to school and try your best, participate in church activities, do one chore a day and dishes once a week, and obey our family rules.
The privileges of our family are that we eat out at least once a week, have pizza once a week, get great meals cooked by our awesome chef (my husband, and OK, so I got on a food kick), see a couple movies together once a month, give rides to our kids, let you be involved in sports that we pay for, clothes that you like (if they are reasonably priced), etc. etc. etc.
I equate responsibility with privilege and I remind them that it’s only for a short part of their lives that they have to live with me. I have been known to say things like, “When you move out of this house you can go around naked for the rest of your life if you want to, but if you live here you are NOT wearing that skirt.”
So, I recommend keeping your rules the same. I think as a blanket statement that kids don’t mind limits as long as they know they are consistently enforced and they understand what they are. Even if they think you’re nuts, you ARE the parents and you’re not nearly as nuts as you’re going to be after they live with you for a while. :-)
Specifically in older child adoption, what do you feel are reasonable expectations for the children once they are in your home? Mostly in reference to chores, modest clothing, TV, movies, music.....a lot of kids (mine will be 6-12) get to do things that I am not going to be cool with, I mean, we are not the Gaithers (not that there is anything wrong with that ;0 ) but I have a feeling our standards (limited TV, no short skirts/belly shirts, no rated PG-13 movies) are going to seem unreasonable to them. How can I senstively handle this?
Here are my thoughts:
Don’t change your family rules to accommodate kids coming into your home. Our rules are similar to the ones you listed, and our kids have had to respect them. We had 11 year olds coming in having viewed many R movies, and they went down to G or PG-13 if a parent was watching with them. We just made the rules and tried to enforce them.
I explain things like this to my kids. Every family is different. In some families everyone goes to everyone elses sporting events. In some families, they can’t afford cable. In some families girls can’t wear pants. In our family we do things a certain way.
Your responsibility is to go to school and try your best, participate in church activities, do one chore a day and dishes once a week, and obey our family rules.
The privileges of our family are that we eat out at least once a week, have pizza once a week, get great meals cooked by our awesome chef (my husband, and OK, so I got on a food kick), see a couple movies together once a month, give rides to our kids, let you be involved in sports that we pay for, clothes that you like (if they are reasonably priced), etc. etc. etc.
I equate responsibility with privilege and I remind them that it’s only for a short part of their lives that they have to live with me. I have been known to say things like, “When you move out of this house you can go around naked for the rest of your life if you want to, but if you live here you are NOT wearing that skirt.”
So, I recommend keeping your rules the same. I think as a blanket statement that kids don’t mind limits as long as they know they are consistently enforced and they understand what they are. Even if they think you’re nuts, you ARE the parents and you’re not nearly as nuts as you’re going to be after they live with you for a while. :-)
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