I have blogged on this topic before, but there is a bright spot in parenting a child with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum. The child (or in this case, the man-boy) has no ability to consider the past or the future. It reminds me of the lyrics to this sound from the soundtrack of the musical “Rent“
There is no future, there is no past
I live this moment as my last
There’s only us, there’s only this
Forget regret, or life is yours to miss
No other road, no other way
No day but today.
It’s a great idealistic way to live, but doesn’t work for most of us. Most of us have to think about the past and the future all the time.
But for our son Mike, it’s only right now. On Tuesday in court he was so angry with us that if looks could have killed us we would have been obliterated. He was, as I mentioned, blaming us for the outcome of court.
Last night he called. He was fairly chipper, asking about what the other kids were doing (something he never cares about when he’s actually here), talking about how bad it was where he was, asking if we had written him a letter. What happened on Tuesday just didn’t exist in his mind. All the anger had been forgotten.
Sometimes I wish I could live that way -- totally in the moment. But then I realize what I’d be missing with a mind like that as well. Good memories of the past, nostalgia, reminiscing ... those would all be absent. And I would not enjoy having nothing to look forward to, no anticipation, no planning, no joy from reaching for a goal for so long that reaching it is an incredible feeling.
No thanks. I’ll take the past, marred with regret sometimes, and the future, along with it’s fear and trepidation. It’s what life is made of.
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